Non First Date (4)
By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:
I still had the intentions of using the 90 day rule because like all my past relationships, I was afraid of losing you even before we truly began. Sure, by kissing you I had committed to the idea of you, but actually being with you, body, mind and soul? That terrified me.
I was surprised that I told you I loved you first. It was after yet another group date, and then you passed by KFC to get me dinner on the drive home. While the helpful attendant went indoors to get our order, you handed me a gift I hadn’t expected. I smiled at you and said I love you. You froze, and then smiled, leaned in and kissed my lips. Love you too, you said. Your words played like my favorite song in my head and I was giddy.
The goodnight kiss that night was especially sweet, bolstered by our earlier words. My body recognized yours as lover even though we hadn’t gone further than a kiss. Suddenly, I believed that maybe we would last past the first time in bed. This had to be real; there wasn’t really room for it not to be.
There were plenty more dates, kisses and cuddles and each moment with you made me yearn for more. I wanted a day, a week, a month in your arms because I had never felt so alive. Your jokes didn’t get old and your eyes peered deeper into my soul. The day that I gave myself to you, wasn’t marked by any special sign. We were making out, kissing and touching and you kept asking me to let you in. I kept saying no. Eventually, after an hour or two, you weren’t expecting it but I did let you in. It was even better than the kisses.
I didn’t imagine that anything would eclipse our kisses or make out sessions but making love with you was infinitely amazing. You were everything I wanted in a lover and more. Soon, our biggest issue was deciding whether to do group dates, outdoor dates for two or indoor dates where we talked and made love over and over until we couldn’t tell the difference between 30 minutes and 6 hours.
I hated that you had to leave at all. You told me you wanted to be responsible and so couldn’t go home too late. You hated advance plans and wanted everything to be spontaneous. You biggest issue was that I was uptight; obsessively compulsively repulsively over-cautious. Your description triggered a big fight because I felt you were critiquing my character and how could you want to be with someone that repulsed you.
You assured me that I was misunderstanding you and that you just wished I was more spontaneous. It finally occurred to me that I enjoyed fighting with you, because even when we fought you looked out for me and tried to protect my feelings. You liked my intensity and were mine for the long haul.