Protecting My Own
By Damali of Kyanjja
It is not every day that you come across people who speak openly about guarding their stuff. I do not mean material possessions.
The other day, I told my girls about Aaron. Little things. Like how he pulls out the chair for me when we go out eat at our favourite takeaway. He opens the car door for me each time I step out of his car. He gets the bill each time even if I can afford to pay for it, and even earn more than he does. I am always smiling. I glow because of how he loves me.
Some people say that they want a man who has been tried and tested, and it seems that my cousin Lydia is exactly that. We are family but apparently not family enough. She has since been making odd moves towards Aaron, showing interest in his conversations and engaging him on topics that interest him. You know, the kind about soccer, and Hamilton from Formula one and how she particularly supports Vettel. That she supports Vettel instead of Hamilton–the closer-to-black dude– always gets him worked up. But I see right through her game plan.
So I have been doing my own research and catching up on some of the sporting activities, but not too much. I do not want it to be too obvious. But I have also been finding more ladies speaking about “tried and tested” men. You know, the kind that want a man nicely worked on and ready for them. Let some other woman do the hard work of shaping him into a responsible husband. Except, he will marry them, and not you, or at least that is what they hope for.
It got me thinking, who taught us to think this way? To think that we can shape a man into the right kind of husband or man and father for the children we bear with him. Why do we think that we are responsible for influencing an adult into what we imagine makes him the perfect depiction of “husband or partner”?
But I digress. I should be looking out for my own – Aaron, that is or I might lose him to Lydia. Except I am not quite sure what I want or need to do. Do I have a right to even “protect my own”? Does he belong to me? Perhaps I am wasting time with this kind of thinking. He is a grown man, and he can choose to be with whomever he pleases. And if he chooses to leave me for Lydia, surely it cannot be a reflection on my inability to “keep” him.
Anyway, I think I will just carry on with my life. My girls, however, are of a different opinion. I hear them speaking about protecting their men and not exposing too much good about their partners. They fear that some other women will snatch them. I have the same fears but I think I should focus on me – be the best for myself, and trust that somehow it will work out. If it does not, then maybe Aaron was never mine to keep – which in itself would mean it would have worked out.
To each his own.
