City of Love (4)

 

By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda

 

The days of storing up as many memories as possible came to an end. I packed up and left. He called me every day telling me how he missed me. The texts became whimsical.

I miss you.

Wish you were here so we could do this…

I finally finished that movie… you wouldn’t believe what crazy guy did.

Never knew that I could feel this way. I think I am going crazy over you.

Somehow, I was able to get through the days with his messages and his calls. After all something special was blossoming and he hadn’t run scared at the first sign of feelings. I looked forward to his visit, couldn’t wait to be in his arms again.

His work got crazy, he was up and down and everywhere in between and so the visit didn’t have a set date. Somewhere in between the crazy schedule texting all day long whittled down to 1 hour a day, 30 minutes and then a few halfhearted how are you and where are you. I felt like he was pulling away but I couldn’t explain it, after all we hadn’t fought or anything.

Eventually, I gathered the courage to ask what was wrong.

Vicky, I’m going to be honest with you. This is moving fast. Like way too fast. I feel overwhelmed.

What happened to saying you would be there to catch me when I fall?

Well, I never wanted to hurt you. And I feel like if this goes on something is bound to go wrong. It always does.

I never took you for a coward Ricky. You’re dumping me on a technicality? On a what if? Are you serious right now?

Yeah. We need to take this really slowly right now.

I couldn’t believe it. I thought that I had met someone that knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to speak his mind but turns out he was just like every other guy I had known. I decided there and then to cut Ricky out of my mind and my life. If he was already having doubts, there was no way he would be fully committed to making things work.

And even though he had broken my heart, he showed me that love comes sometimes when you aren’t even looking for it, but when it does, embrace it with all you have and enjoy it with no regrets, for you never know when it will end.

I still think about him every day. Asking myself if I had pushed him away and if he meant all those things he said and something changed or if maybe I could have done something differently so he didn’t want to stay.

I was starting over in a new town doing the job I had always dreamed of and decided to live each day like it was my last and leave my heart open to love.