By Ayanda Xaba, South Africa
Realising that I am romantically interested in the same sex wasn’t an issue for me. But I’d say coming out was a bit of a challenge. Firstly; because I didn’t know that it was something I needed to declare to the world. And secondly; because I didn’t know I could be anything else other than what I was. I had a play girlfriend before I started primary school. That was natural as she was the only friend I had other than my cousins. That same friend became my first real girlfriend when I turned eleven. I played a man when we played house as kids, never mind that I didn’t have a penis like my brother. So in short; I’ve been lesbian all my life. This means telling Lethabo how I felt about her would be a walk in the park right? Wrong. Up to that point I had never approached anyone, I was always approached. I never had to go out of my way to make someone interested in me. Worse of all I couldn’t tell if she was into women or not. I trust my gay raider, I can spot a homosexual from a mile away. It is safe to say that was the only time when my gay raider lost it’s connectivity.
So I was kinda short of time since I had to leave town for the radio gig. Have you ever seen a writer flirting? I’ll give you some time to think about it… The answer will probably be no, because damn writers are horrible flirts! I don’t trust my flirting skills, never had, so I went in for the kill. I knew I would have one shot to say something meaningful or I would lose the opportunity forever. Lethabo said something homophobic to me this one night. I could’ve been offended but I chose to use the opportunity to ‘come out’ and confess my feelings. The chat went something like this:
Her: I see you have lesbians on your profile picture…
Me: Yeah, they were getting married. Totally love that couple
Her: I hate them
Her: I could kill them
Me: You could kill me?
Her: Huh? You gay?
Me: What if I am?
Me: And what if I want you to be my girlfriend?
Her: Okay, I’m scared now.
Me: Why are you scared?
Her: I’m about to be another girl’s girlfriend…
And that’s how Lethabo Tau became Mimi Simelane’s girlfriend! Honestly, from that point I worked on building a strong bond and surprisingly it was easier than I thought it was going to be. Sometimes we are scared of what we might be, based on what the society says we ought to be. Lethabo wasn’t necessarily homophobic, she was a homosexual trapped in a society that said being lesbian was wrong. I helped her accept herself and gave her a chance to love freely, with no fear of being criticised for it. It wasn’t an easy task, but it also wasn’t hard because I was seriously in love with her. I was set on giving her the best relationship of her life. Did I succeed? You be the judge.
It was two weeks before I left for Dundee when I invited Lethabo over to my flat for a chillas. The plan was to have a relaxed day; watch a movie, have some snacks and wine, and then call it a day. Well it didn’t go as planned. She arrived an hour late – classic African she is – wearing a short pink dress with her dreads tied in a bun. I too was wearing a dress, it was a hot day and that was a chilling session – so what better outfit than a short dress and flip flops? She arrived with some dope horror DVDs and we got the party started. I’m the one that got the dry red wine, forgetting that it makes me sexually excited (for lack of better words). We were on the second movie when I started being touchy – oh gosh that wine had done a number on me! Lethabo was very receptive, cautious but eager too. Let’s just say; by the time the movie ended there had already been a lot of touching, kissing, a bit of licking, and a whole lot of shagging and orgasms. We watched the movie credits cuddling with ridiculous smiles on our faces. How was Lethabo’s first lesbian sex? Wouldn’t you just like to know?!
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