Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (50)
By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:
For as long as I can remember I have been asking you to draw me. I thought some of the perks of dating an artist are you get to have those artistic images you want done hassle free. In over 6 years, you have drawn me exactly zero images. You keep giving excuses and I don't know whether the issue is you don't remember how to draw having taken so long without doing it or you are afraid I will see me the way you do.
Usually a portrait is in depth perception of the subject by the artist. I want to see what lies in your eyes but guess I might have to wait forever. I keep asking you what you see in me, and your answers always vary. What you don't get is this, as a writer; words are my picture. I want to see what you see in me, just in words. You can go all flowery imagery like phenomenal woman or blunt truth so long as you paint my portrait with words.
I know deep down am looking for someone that sees something and paints it down so I can understand why they feel the way they do. It's truly beautiful when you see exactly what someone sees, I think. Am basing on my expectations but I know that the truth can't be far off.
I want a portrait so badly that often times I have gone out looking for it. Failure to get that portrait in relationships I have been in has led to dissatisfaction, resentment and feelings of unhappiness. It is hard to believe someone truly loves you, at least for me, if they don't tell me what it is they like. The different facets of the whole picture.
For guys that can barely express themselves, or the stuffy suits who would rather suffocate than feel something. From the onset there is a mismatch of suitability. I want to see what you feel so I can appreciate the depth and beauty of it. I want to hear, so I can play it over and over in my head. I want to read so I can turn to what you wrote and enjoy the words, expressing emotions you only feel when here with me.
What I require isn't so hard. It's basically food for my soul, my emotions. I want to feel loved. The way some people feed off fear and weakness I feed off love. Nothing extreme, just the need to feel appreciated and safe.
There are people out there that think a girl that needs you to put in effort is a handful, but those people don't know that when someone else's happiness matters more to you than ego or mild discomfort, that is love. Sometimes, you need two hands to handle the girl that is yours.
My artist painted me a picture with words the other day, 'Sometimes you'll just be too much woman, too smart; too beautiful; too strong. Too much of something, that makes a man feel less like a man. Which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman. The biggest mistake you can make is removing jewels from your crown to make it easier for a man to carry. When this happens, I need you to understand, you do not need a smaller crown. You need a man with bigger hands.'
This blew me away so many times. Often times we change ourselves because someone made us feel we were too much something and too little something else. We need to blossom and wait for that person who will like the flower we become, not nip us in the bud.
I am definitely waiting for my portrait, whichever way you make it.