Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (44)

By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:

It's getting ridiculous how often I fall asleep when we cuddle on the couch to watch a movie. I literally push him into making special plans for us and then barely 30 minutes into the movie, I am dosing off. I'm surprised that he doesn't get angry. I guess I should enjoy the perks of a laid back partner because he doesn't stress about the little things.

Also counting my blessings that he doesn't think I am a psycho even when I say really silly uncoordinated things. I am beginning to see love in the little things I usually take for granted. Like, how he holds me when I fall asleep on the couch half on top of him as we watch a movie. How he slides to my side of the bed and hugs the pillows when I am up to leave for work and he is still sleeping.

I am starting to look forward to that hug when I walk into the house after a day at work or when he comes in late. I savor that feeling when I hold him and he holds me and pulls me in a little closer for a few seconds, where the world fades out and we just feel. I enjoy the walks when he escorts me to the road for the mornings I leave when he is awake. I love how he turns his cheek for me to give him a goodbye peck as I leave the house. I could get used to all of these little things that I have begun to appreciate; including his fetish for beautiful things.

Walking me to the road today, we saw a guy that used his artistic impression to organize doors and windows he had made. We had to stop for over five minutes because he was admiring the gorgeous doors. Things like this make me roll my eyes in exasperation but I look at them fondly. All these facets are what make him the person I can never get enough of.

His sarcasm when I am being silly is the right side of nice and yet also how can you be so dumb and smart at the same time. Him doing really dumb things for real that piss me off and yet again I am not surprised because somehow it is a part of him and he just had to do something having thought the wrong things over.

Also I am trying to actively be nice even when I am tired. Like fixing us dinner even when I am tired or listening when he rambles on about something I do not care about. Lately he has wrapped us in a cocoon that the world can't touch and has “us against the world” scenarios and jokes that just melt my heart. I feel so treasured and cherished and adored. We are a package in his mind and that just rocks.

The other day I told him about something I was excited about and he dampened my blanket and I got upset. I expected him to be in my corner and be happy for me and yet he felt it was silly and cliché. Things like that make me question this whole thing, whether I am doing the right thing. But then I remember I know him. For over 6 years now he has been a part of my life even when we broke up for many years. I know the things that make him him; the good, bad and ugly. Someday I hope we will be able to have a wholesome relationship untainted by past mistakes and pain and be supportive of each other's dreams.