Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (43)
By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:
I am beginning to think there is a signal or beacon that goes out to people when you are in a relationship that alerts them to the fact that you are taken. And of course humans prefer the elusive unavailable gem. Recently being single, and then taken, I have had a swarm of attention head my way. The unresponded to texts and calls, plans made but never followed up and even the blatant cold shoulders just because someone seems too available.
Fast forward to no longer being on the table and these same people begin to flock like a magnet is hooked to their phones. Phone calls late at night when you should be with your partner ideally, sweet thoughtful messages during the day, random texts just to check on you. Wouldn't it be more considerate to check on someone who is down and unhappy?
Even when you date someone, they were more interested in you before you were theirs than when you actually end up with them. Maybe they prefer the dream of a perfect you. A you someone else has treasured enough to commit to. It's easier to want something when you have no obligations towards it.
The law of unintended consequences is one of those things that set in when you start to date someone. For starters, you take your partner for granted; if they are committed to you it means they don't have many prospects and so they should be happy they have you. In a relationship you are more likely to have one foot out the door because someone somewhere is telling you what a special and amazing person you are while your partner just keeps criticizing the stuff you do, say and wear.
Relationships now are ones where people want something easy. Because you think you have so many options, it is pointless to fight for the one that seems harder than it has to be. We don't want to commit now when it could be something light. We can meet someone on the internet, at a restaurant and we don't have to scrutinize them for 10 years before we decide they are fun and we want to be with them.
Most people's effort constitutes telling a girl she looks nice or just sending one text daily. We think romance is dead, but maybe it is just ignored. Put that phone down and tell your girl you want to enjoy her company without distractions. Tell her you want to go somewhere just to talk. Do something that requires no effort but just will. Show her you want to be with her. You enjoy being with her. Then maybe just instead of looking at what a nice girl someone else has, look at the way your girl looked at you in the beginning and how you can make her look at you like that again.
Kiss her on the forehead in the morning and tell her you will be thinking of her all day. I think we miss out on the different amazing depths our partner has just because we are too busy analyzing choices and opportunities. If for just one second you can remember what attracted you to someone, take the time to remind them they are that thrill you found and want to relive over and over again.
No one is easy to love but they are worth it. They are full of so many things that you see when you look into their eyes. Just stop comparing and evaluating and simply be in the moment with that person you chose once upon a time.