Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (42)

Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (42)

By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:

There is something exhilarating about waking up to the sight of the person you love. Yes, they may have that weird morning face and possibly gross sleeping habits but still, your spirit soars that somehow, they are right there with you.

Some of the things I didn't imagine from my fantasies of living with the guy of my dreams are actually the most basic thing. Compatibility. I never thought of the things I like to do, and suddenly we were fighting about who does what when we get home. Of course I wanted all the attention considering we had spent all day apart. He preferred to do something he actually enjoyed and I took offense because somehow my heart heard that he didn't want to do anything that involved me.

The botched plans that happened because he wanted to watch a movie at night and I was wiped out from work which meant that I could only dose and miss all the scenes that made sense. The most disappointing was bed time; our bodies were in different time zones. I preferred sleep as early as 10 or 11 but he slept like at 2 or 3 in the morning. It definitely sucked going to bed without him. Even worse was the fact that I like to cuddle as I sleep and he prefers his space. I felt rejected for a while until I let it go. You learn to choose your battles because your place shouldn't become a war zone.

What you expect becomes the unexpected when someone assumes the other will think, act and react like them.  Even after living together a few months, it is still hard when he has to spend a few nights away from home. I wonder how he feels when I have to travel too. I haven't had the chance to have that conversation because he brushes it off like he has no feelings and his blasé attitude hurts. Much easier to pretend it isn't an impending iceberg.

I have never envied those real housewives who stay up late waiting for him to come home however on some nights I become that woman. I resolved after a few nights of disappointment not to make a big deal of what time he comes home because I don't want to nag or fight over issues I can't change. The best I can do is keep the dinner warm if I cooked or send a message letting him know something nice awaits him at home.

I am learning to just go with it. We went shopping for some stuff; home making as he calls it. Bought a few things we needed, almost bought something we wanted and deferred the rest to a list. This is everything we want to buy at some point for our place. He laughed at half the things I wanted but I explained my plan; I don't want everything now. I want to make our place home one buy at a time until we have all the things we ever imagined and dreamt and wrote. I know that someday it's going to be something special for both of us.

Let's just say a lot of things have surprised me, exasperated me and blown me over. But even as we disagree and make up, begging to disagree, I wouldn't trade any bit of these past few months. It has been everything I didn't expect and worth every minute of it.

Founder and Editor in Chief of the Readers Cafe Africa

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