Paper and Ink, Series

Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (32)

By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:

Drama comes so easily to you that I can't believe I fell for your antics yet again. It started with a message at 11pm last night where you claimed to miss me and asked to see me. You said if I didn't want to, I shouldn't text you back. I thought about it hard. My life without you sucked but lately, life with you had sucked as well. My broken heart thudded a bit harder, happy at the chance of seeing you again.

I replied, and you were offline for the rest of the night.

This morning, you pretended you were doing things on my turf. You asked me to give you a date and time for you to show up. I guess it still hurts that you can manipulate me so easily because I can't tell who the real you is. It feels like the whole time we were dating you were just playing some sick twisted game. It feels like I never knew you at all.

I asked why you wanted to see me and you said you just missed me so much. I asked about that other girl you call your girlfriend and you said she was just your cousin and I had jumped to all the wrong conclusions. Bollocks, you planted those thoughts in my head. I guess it is my fault for feeling so much for you. No wonder you still twist me around your finger.

I can't believe you had the gall to tell me we were too damaged to ever be together again. What I want to ask you is this, who broke me into little pieces till I couldn't be whole again? Who tore me up into mismatched pieces that could never fit properly together again? Who kept finding new ways to mess me up even though I tried so hard to fix what you broke?

I hope you hurt every bit as much as I do. I hope the pain clenches round your chest until you feel like you can't breathe. Do you cry yourself to sleep at night? I hope so. I want you to cry as you think of me and everything you lost.

I lost sight of this thing we had and still can't comprehend how we went from love to this pain we feel simply by existing apart.

The worst part is this compromise that is a sham of the relationship we had. You said you need to see me and be with me but we can't work together. So basically what we have is fulfillment of each other's needs without meaning anything to each other. It is messed up and wrong. But we started out this way. I can't help but hope that someday this can be a bridge to lead us back to each other.

I would rather be messed up with you than messed up alone.

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