Confusion’s Confession

Confusion’s Confession

By Abigail Oyo-Ita, Nigeria:

Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out
Your world comes crashing
Just when it seems the pieces are beginning to fit
A new piece is thrown in
Just when when you think the mist has cleared
And you can clearly see the path before you
It begins to rain heavily

These are the state of the mind when confused

I have walked this path before
Not once
Not twice
It seems like my life is going in circles
What I feel is worse than despair
It feels like no matter the route I take
I always end up here!
I have tried every available outlet
They all bring me back here
I doubled back, retraced my steps
But I still end Here!

Where exactly is here?!
I have no idea!

I have lost the will power to try again
I feel like giving up
I ask myself severally is it really worth it?
That thing within that keeps driving me
It’s the reason I’m so sad and lonely
If I had no dreams, no vision
There won’t be anything to look forward to
There won’t be disappointments
I’d be able to do away with this circular movement
I have been engaged in for years

But then again,
How do I live with myself realizing who I can be
What I can do
What I can achieve
I can’t live a normal life
The norm isn’t for me
Yes it is difficult to stand out
Yes it’s confusing, ive got no idea what I’m doing
Yes, I’d probably fail a few more times
Yes I’d probably write another version of this sometime in the future
Yes I’d probably still find my way back here a couple of times more…
Yes, yes, yes!!!

But I can’t give up now
I’ve come too far
I knew it wasn’t going to be easy when I started out
I knew my Rome wont be built in a day
I knew this thing I’d laid hands on was going to sap me
I knew I’d loose friends
I knew I’d have to walk alone
There were several promises
Good talk that edged me on
Towards proposed greatness
They all seem to be vague right now
An illusion I probably created in my mind
A mirage that keeps moving farther as I come closer
Will I ever lay hands on those promises?

This one thought has kept me going
Helps me take a step after another
Though with difficult groaning,
I still believe that
Faithful is he who has called me…

So, I can’t give up
I mustn’t give up
I won’t give up!

Founder and Editor in Chief of the Readers Cafe Africa

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