Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (9)

Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (9)

By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:

Waiting for the phone to ring is like putting nails in my own coffin. Actually it might be worse 'cause with the nails, I still have control about the when and how. Sitting around doing nothing isn't like me. I would much rather be out in the thick of the action than in the shadows waiting for things to happen to me.

One hour later and I was still waiting. What is it about love that frazzles our brains and turns us into totally different people? Someone like me who is impatient and absolutely hates waiting yet here I was, docile and playing by someone else's rules.

And then it hit me. We give up our individuality, self-interests and independence for shared interests, companionship and togetherness. It becomes unacceptable to be on your own or hang with other guys. Instead you want to hang with him and when he is busy or indisposed you sit by the phone like a worried mum and wait up.

Actually, you pretty much regress to mom after sometime in a relationship. Worrying about where he is, who he is with, what he is doing and trying to change him. You forget that if he is old enough to be in a relationship, he is old enough to know what he wants. So nagging, pushing and shoving won't get him to the altar. He being ready will.

Someone told me that you choose to be hurt when you try to get someone ready before they are ready. So it's your fault, not his.

'You can dress an 18 year old in a suit and he looks 28 but he still won't be 28. The only way he can be 28 is if you wait 10 years, and he will get there on his own. Even if he wanted to be 28 to make you happy, he can't. He has to get there the long way. No amount of wanting or hoping can change that.'

I think it's time to let the bird out of the nest. No amount of smothering will get it ready. Instead, it learns to leave home and come back on its own. No more waiting by the phone for me either. It's time for me to move my life forward so that am ready when the time comes to settle down or move on. Being blindsided is no one's fault but your own. You didn't give the relationship time to bloom and you certainly didn't give him a chance to figure out what he wanted and get ready for it. You just dragged him along and bullied him into playing dress up for you but that never gets long term results.

Founder and Editor in Chief of the Readers Cafe Africa

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