By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:
It's well known in history that anything can start a fight between a girl and her boyfriend. Anything and everything is fair game and may be used to trap you. Yes, questions and requests and statements are fair game too. The problem is in the interpretation of answers, you see, because we tend to dissect and read between the lines.
Fights will get pretty ugly with name calling and resentment creeping up, but with compromise you don't have to feel like the loser. It feels like we have been fighting for about half of the time we have been in this relationship; with it getting so bad last week, it was like we were starting a new fight every hour. It's frustrating because when you love each other you should try harder to understand each other and not get carried away expecting too much or taking each other for granted.
We started staying away from each other because it's just so much work to stay together. The fights get pretty intense and it is hard to give up your side of the argument and not feel betrayed that he doesn't get why you are upset. So I asked him if he remembered what it was like to be happy and he said no. That was an all-time low: why were we even still together if he couldn't see why we were together?
It gets hard and then I remember that we are different. I say this, he hears that and replies the other that hurts me and then he says it meant something else. So am learning to ask what he meant before going off at the deep end. Sometimes yes, I give in to my instinct to be mad and let it off my chest but I miss being happy. So my new therapy is alone time with him where I let him make it up to me. That way, our fights bring us closer instead of helping us bury the relationship.
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