By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:
With my birthday coming up it's a legitimate excuse to be dramatic. It's the most important day of my life so it's not unusual for me to expect to be spoilt and given the world. He asked me what I wanted and I drew a blank. It is one thing to want to be spoilt and a totally different thing to tell someone how to spoil you. Don't guys get the “how to manual” for relationships?
This is my first birthday where am with someone I think is ready to do something special. So I had ideas of a romantic getaway for two to some beautiful island, or a candle lit dinner or something special really. I expected to be dazzled with jewelry and shoes and bags and idolized my dear boyfriend.
So we were having a good time hanging then I sort of let slip my expectations. His reaction outraged me. He thought I was more in love with the things he gives me than with him. I let loose all sorts of expletives and words. Like why would he even date me if he thought I was a gold digger? Was it so wrong to expect to be spoilt after a long hard year? In fact I expected him to be enthusiastic about spoiling me!! My mood went through the stages of depression.
I was lost. Had no idea what to do for my birthday because I wanted to spend it with him; just him. In a short span of time he had become my whole world and my happiness depended on if he was with me and willing to give me what I wanted. So what if most guys don't remember girls' birthdays. But if you did remember it, shouldn't you go all out and make me feel like this day mattered to you as much as it did to me?
I opted for silent treatment. At this point I was so mad at him; I knew I had nothing nice to say. So I decided to keep quiet. Problem is he hates the cold treatment. So while I was trying to cool down he kept sending provocative messages about how materialistic I was and how he didn't need to necessarily spend so much for me to enjoy my day. Wrong move – 'cause that pushed me a little further down the spiral.
I was angry. Now I know I have anger issues because these messages were just a red flag, giving me an outlet for all my bottled up resentment. In came issues from fights ago like how he never had time for me, how he took me for granted, how I wasn't even sure he loved me. Like all our fights, me telling him these things got him ticked off and he actually asked me to walk away if all I wanted was the money. I did!!
Resignation. Nothing sucks like having things put in perspective for you. In the grand scheme of things, I wanted to be with him on my birthday. And so many times he has come through for me and showed me he cares. So am waiting till the d-day to see what's up his sleeve. I told him as long as I woke up next to him on that day, I would be happy, and that's my cheesy version of growing old together.
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