Sequins and Sapphires, Series

Sequins and Sapphires: Wedding Bells

By Kathryn Kazibwe:

I stumbled upon an interesting discussion this week on the streets of Facebook, where I spend most of my day. A friend of mine shared a photo with the caption:

“Keep playing hard to get while other girls get married every Saturday.”

Of the people who commented, only one was on 'Team Hard-To-Get' with me. Her comment:

“Guys hate babes who they get easily. Team Hard-To-Get, let's go!”

And the retort:

“As you play hard to get, your body clock is also ticking…by the time you realize it, you will have wrinkles and love handles all over!”

Whoa, wait a minute, biological clock, love handles? No wonder people are stuck in ugly unfulfilling marriages. Women live in a pitiful state, holding their breath, waiting for the time when they will finally get someone to pop the question and put a ring on it. What a waste of perfect years! Don't we have better dreams to chase than marriage? From the current trend of adultery, separation and divorce, marriage is clearly not the grassy meadow romantics once thought it was! It has never been, really, but at least the people of old had the integrity and patience to make things work. Which is also sad in itself, because 'making things work' doesn't sound like something to look forward to, does it?

You will find on many a wedding card the proverb, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.” Dare I say she who rushes into finding (being found by?) a husband finds a shitload of trouble. How many stories have we heard about the wolf in sheep's clothing, the guy with a glowing halo during courting who after he has 'wifed' you will turn into a creepy predator? Then there are the shameless cheaters who get ten million children out of their marital home, and pick up disgusting diseases while they're at it. Don't forget the volatile monster who beats his wife to a bloody pulp for not serving him food the second he steps into the house, even if she, like him, has just got back from a long day at work. Some women are even unlucky to get all this wrapped into one man! Knowing all this, why would I still be envious of the girls getting married 'every Saturday'? Am I not right in playing hard to get, if easy to get will lead me down one of such gory paths?

Then there are the girls who get married for all sorts of reasons. He has a great job, have you seen his car, our kids are going to be so good looking! Then she gets into the 'kintu' and starts to think that one of her wifely roles is to check his messages and contacts daily for anything of suspicion, and deny him his conjugal rights because he didn't buy her that car within seconds of expressing her interest in it.

What we end up with is guys marrying to raise their social standing and get free maids, and girls looking for money machines and to procreate before it's too late. Wrong-est reasons to enter that jungle, if you ask me!

Perhaps the best thing would be to have a formal agreement with someone you're not too close to, without the whole love/trust dynamic. Maybe that'd be a thinner jungle to traverse. Who knows, maybe that's the best route to follow, because the carnage from broken families is becoming too much for some of us to bear. I don't know. All I know is that when that time comes for me, I want to go in with open eyes, sober mind and strong heart.

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4 thoughts on “Sequins and Sapphires: Wedding Bells”

  1. This here says it all, thanks Kathy, for speaking the heart of what I believe to be many of us (even those who pretend to not be part of the category of women who see no need to rush, for these same reasons and many more). Loved reading this.

  2. When we learn to love our wrinkles and love handles and not feel worthless as a direct result of being single, then these conversations of “biological clock” and the desperation that they breed will peter out until they’re not being had anymore.

  3. haha…personally i think the whole marriage institution is a sham. some disguised form of imprisonment and misery. follow the dot.com tradition, get your ka kid or two and live comfortably ever after knowing that you’ll always have people to love you unconditionally.

    #justkukuss.blogspot.com

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