Reflections

There is more to life than “sweet nothings”

By Cynthia Ayeza:

The world of physical abuse is one of the more annoying kind I have ever encountered, mostly because it is protected by both the accused and abused. Imagine having to tell your girlfriends that your boyfriend assaulted you? It is difficult enough for the married woman, from what I gather from the horror stories I have personally heard. But for many girls and women, when it happens, the shame that comes with knowing you were so devalued, reduced to feeling like nothing, reduced to a pulp, to a worthless punching bag seems to overpower the courage to walk away, let alone tell someone.

I have had some men AND women throw around comments like, “she had it coming”, “she must have provoked him” etc. I am so enraged by these comments mostly because for me, they sound terribly ignorant and painfully callous. Understandably, some characters – male and female –leave a lot to be desired in humans but realistically, we are all a work in progress. No one has yet reached perfection and never will as long as we live in this wonderfully twisted world. I champion the cause for women especially that they should never ever be beaten or physically abused by friends, family, lovers or husbands or whoever thinks they can.

I still do not know what keeps most of the abused women in abusive relationships. Some, like the married, stick it out for their children – but not always. For the unmarried – am not sure; if they have children, perhaps that too is a factor. For some, it is the financial security and what curse money is then! But I have found a common thread in most physically {and emotionally} abused women – and that is a low self esteem/confidence or worth. Wherever it started, it is the hardest thing to pick up again and reinstate. Once shattered, it requires an enormous amount of courage to rebuild – but it is possible to rebuild it.

When one is hit by a man, after the shock of being hit {it's got to be shocking each time}, their sense of value for themselves immediately drops. The ability to walk out the door is crippled, numbingly stifled by that sense of worthlessness. It is a pity that the world has bred women that lack a sense of self confidence, enough for them to see where real security is – not in the money their husbands may provide, or the children that need stability from both their parents being together or the falsified sense of status that comes with whom you marry/ simply being married etc. I would like to see more and more women walk away from unhealthy relationships; to be unafraid to speak out and by this, not just verbally, but the very act of walking away being the ultimate speaking out/up.

I realise there is more to marriage and relationships than I can venture into here. But, irrespective of what friends and family will say, or what your community will say, your life is worth a lot more than the coward that won't respect the delicate nature of your build. It is no myth, that if he hits you once, it is one too many times already. A third and fourth is bound to come your way. Choose life. There is help out there for those that need that extra injection of courage to walk out. There is help; get help. To the coward I say to you, MAN UP! Dear abused Woman – there is more to life than sweet nothings.

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10 thoughts on “There is more to life than “sweet nothings””

  1. My, my. If this isn’t a passionate verbiage then I don’t now waht is. Well said. What can be added to this? I too have often wondered why an abused woman would even go as far as to defend the animal abusing them?! Perhaps its the curse that was placed on women after the fall “that their desire shall be for their husbands/boyfriend/father/man”
    I see no logical explanation for such behavior. And yes, I rally to the cry to all men to man up and realise that our strength is given to protect and not to pummel the women in our lives.

  2. “Some, like the married, stick it out for their children….”
    In as much as this is awful, for some women it has been a decision to stay for the kids or else risk leaving them to the mercy of another woman who would inevitably come into the home. To such ladies I salute you!! Get help nevertheless.

      1. And the kids wd never know happiness when they watch their parents unhappy…I say walk, save ur life and give the kids a chance to believe that there is more to life indeed.

      2. Sure, they are not helped even by just watching their mother being battered.(Not a good example for marriage). Walking away with your kids though, would mean you are ready to start out on your own, not looking back to him for any financial assistance. It may also mean he is willing to let go of his kids? These men….

  3. every year 16 Days of Activism against Women&Children abuse create awareness about this pandemic…nothing justifies abuse of any kind…I join in to proclaim that dear sister there’s more to life than settling for sweet nothings at the expense of your self worth…being single is not a disease so walk away there’s help.

    1. Interesting that you should bring this up Sarah. I once read an article about the alarming number of men facing abuse in marriage but who don’t report it for pride. After all, the very idea that a real man can be abused is just downright silly, right? So yes, there is plenty of abuse going on to the men too. Not necessarily physical.

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