Sequins and Sapphires: My Ugly F-Tale
By Kathryn Kazibwe:
I like to think of myself as a very laid-back person. I don't freak out over the sexist jokes on Twitter, and neither do I lose it over the crazy things my take-no-prisoners guy friends say. This one time, though, I almost let go of my grip on the laid-back rope.
I do not remember how I got into this conversation with them; all I remember is one guy saying, “What is shocking is that ugly babes also believe in fairytale love!”
I shot him a withering look and waited for everyone to join me in shooting him down, but alas! I had forgotten I was the only girl in the discussion. They all agreed with him.
What Victor was saying, as he went on to explain, is that most girls are misled into thinking that their Prince Charming is waiting somewhere, ready to sweep them off their feet when the time comes. A few lucky ones though, do get to experience this bliss, but girls who do not possess good looks have no right to hope for it. And he laid out his examples very well.
Were any of the princesses in story books ugly? No. Did the witch ask “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest at heart of them all?” Nope. Nobody cares about inner beauty, he argued, what attracts a man is your physical appearance. He is not going to detect your kindness or gentleness like a dog on a scent! But he will spot your pretty hair and smooth skin while you are yet far off.
Knowing Victor, we would argue about this point into the wee hours, so I switched to another tack.
“Pretty girls don't want ugly guys either, so I guess it all balances out,” I said. He snorted.
“Are you kidding me? Am I mistaken or did the hot princess kiss the frog? Trust me; pretty girls DO want ugly guys.”
Had I had backup, I'm sure my girls and I would have found a way to win this one, but I was outnumbered, so I just let it slide with a chuckle. For a second I actually almost let myself believe it.
Maybe I, as a girl who is not conventionally 'pretty' or 'beautiful' am condemned to a less than romantic fate. Maybe my dating period will be characterized by plenty of booty calls followed by a million “it's not you, it's me”-s and more break-ups than make-ups. And then after I've been reduced, reused and recycled, instead of Prince Charming I must settle for Mr. I'm Doing You a Favour. Rather than a heartfelt proposal delivered on one knee over a candle-lit dinner, I must prepare for a cursory “I think it's time I met your parents” text. And obviously that'll be followed by a bland marriage with more kids than anniversary gifts, after which I will die, having lived the perfect life of an ugly girl.
Then the second was over and I got my senses back. Ugly?! Ugly my flawed behind! Get me a perfect definition of the word, and I'll show you what ugly really is. It's definitely NOT that hotty staring back at me in the mirror! Yeah, her nose is a little on the Kabaka (Buganda King) side, and her skin's not exactly supple. Her smile's not the whitest, and oh my God, she has no hips, but ugly? Nah.
So, I may not be that head-turning, traffic-stopping, pant-tightening, jealousy-invoking beauty, but hell yeah, I have a right to want my damn F-Tale!