By Cynthia Ayeza:
Not so long ago, I was introduced to the concept of boneless chicken. And no, I do not refer to the often tasty white meat that so many Africans love. I recall a story that I was told, of a queen who was to be married to a soon to be king. He would be king by virtue of marrying a queen. Everything was in order. The venue was perfect and decorated as would fit royalty. The guest list had been finalized and every person that should have been on it was indeed on it, and informed well in advance. The bride's dress was befitting a queen. The menu was exquisite – there would be no complaints.
The day arrived – all was in order, guests seated and ready for the banquet. The bride was ready. But the groom was nowhere to be found. All attempts to find him turned futile. As it turns out, the groom was too big a coward. He was a no-show! How could he miss his own wedding? How could he not send some kind of message? Some form of warning – surely it would have spared them all the time wasted in preparation and the money spent. Where was he? What sort of coward would do this?
The queen, realizing her groom's cowardice, decided that even though the wedding could not happen, the banquet/reception would still carry on. Why waste so much food? And all the planning and time spent to make it an amazing celebration would not go to waste. An announcement was made and the banquet was set. Everything carried on as planned. There was going to be only one change, however, and the queen demanded it be made immediately. As she descended on her throne to celebrate this day, she requested that the only meat to be served at this celebration be chicken – boneless chicken to be specific. And so it was that boneless chicken was served at the wedding banquet, in celebration of the spineless groom that cowed out of fulfilling his word to what could have been his queen. He lacked the spine, the guts, and the balls – the manliness to follow through with his word. And so it was that the boneless chicken served represented the boneless, spineless, cowardly groom – and the queen, along with her guests devoured that boneless chicken in great celebration.
You may ask, what is the moral of this story? There are incidences in our lives where we may have failed to do the right thing. Perhaps it did not have a drastic effect on the world, but it may have had a drastic effect on someone – just one person. Other times it is simply that some people are indeed spineless in standing up for what is right or standing their ground on something of importance. I will use the example of a couple since they influence each other the most. So love sets in and somehow we do everything together. We do not want to make a decision independently. We have to consult with our partners on almost everything. And I think this is good – in fact this is very good – I think. However, you have couples for whom this goes beyond what would make sense. For example – if your wife does not get along with your neighbour's wife, it means you too cannot or are not allowed to get along with the neighbour. If your girlfriend does not get along with some other girl in the fellowship or church, then you as the boyfriend are not allowed to speak to that girl – period. There is so much I do not understand about relationships and romance, but wouldn't this fall under imbecilic? Wait, even kids get over that so quickly and get along easily. I have seen good relationships, friendships, connections, networks and fellowships come down crashing because some petty woman is determined to prove a point. And the point being – “he will do as I say because he loves me”. I think we need to draw a line sometime between love and foolishness, love and pettiness, love and manipulation and all those things that make women turn into bitches. Women – grow up!
To the men who bend at every whimper of a manipulative woman, wife, girlfriend, sidekick or whatever that is, surely there has got to be a line drawn. If your woman is not secure enough to know that you love her, even when you absolutely disagree with her, well then you may never be able to satisfy her need to control you. I find that men who, for example, give in to this kind of manipulation remind me of the queen's boneless chicken or spineless groom. A man should be able to stand for what is right, be able to discern or know your woman well enough to counter destructive manipulation and provide leadership in the relationship. If we all stopped trying to get along with the people that we would rather have dead, this world would be a beast. It is too small a world for one to go around agreeing to helping their girlfriend or wife to hold a grudge against someone who never personally wronged them. We've got to grow up some time – and that is a choice. To the boneless chicken – borrow a spine or something!
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