By Owuor Kuyoh:
A disclaimer to begin with: this has no relation with the mouthful of literary vomit by E.L. James that seems to have caught the eye of page turners worldwide. I'd much rather use that book as a coaster, or use its pages to remove grey water marks off the car window… Back to our regular schedule!
JJ is a worship leader, darling of the church and a number of girls as well. He got his girlfriend (she sings BGV), pregnant – by mistake (yeah right), and he had to shed tears of apology and confession in front of his church. That was in July. After waking up when September ended, they were banned from said church because it's like a horrible disaster movie trying to explain what went down (obviously their pants!). You know!? The type of movie whose end credits have a more exciting storyline than the 2hrs you spent fiddling with the stop button. Cue Twilight meets Battleship. Now that's Titanic right there. That ship is going down!!
Box office aside, for some reason, JJ opened up to me on the issue at hand and he wanted some advice on what to do, or what not to. When I look back, I've often learnt from the mistakes of those who took my advice *evil laugh*.
This conversation I had, it kinda made me think about sex…noooo, not like that…just hear me out. I've always wanted to know “What percentage of unmarried, self-identifying evangelical young adults (ages 18-29) have had sex?” Well my short stint at Google University revealed estimates around 80%. Whether those stats are accurate news or inaccurate no news to you, it suggests that for the vast majority, chastity is a virtue just as difficult to live out for Christians as it is for anyone else. The reality is few single Christians talk about sex, yet much more are having it or have had it. It's hard not feeling like we're just subscribing to a confusing legalistic standard that is unnecessarily keeping us from ultimate happiness in life, right? Or maybe we're just driven by fear from the class of “you'll get pregnant or herpes!” or “dude, if my mum found out, I'm dead!” The bible says that your body is a temple but some of us treat it like a bar and restaurant. It's not treated with respect, it's used for recreation. What you do with or to your body reflects your understanding and value of it. So for example if you have the body of a goddess you'll probably treat it like the idol it is. It defines you and more often than not is an obsession rather than an instrument…but more of that in the next episode.
We live like we are in charge of who we are and what we do with our bodies. You're not in charge, you're just responsible for it and there's a big difference there.
News Flash: God cares about your genitals!
Has the Christian community failed to find a compelling reason to set an example that the Christians themselves feel all alone in the attempt to live chastely?
“I've had sex even before this, and I suffered some consequences but I don't really think I understand what sex out of wedlock does to me or the other person. I just don't understand why God wants it that way.”
In as much as unmarried Christians have been given practical steps and reasons to remain pure, I think we lack that compelling vision that God designed sex for marriage. It was either never sold to us or if it was, we never bought into it coz that's not what we were looking for. Does God really have to satisfy your expectations for you to obey? Probably not, but why does He want us to “preserve the marriage bed and keep it holy?” Well, sex is an act of sacrifice, like worship. It's what God intended it for; because it's supposed to build and fully express intimacy, not just to each other but more importantly to God. You give yourself to someone else willingly to see and experience the very essence of you, that's why victims of sexual abuse feel robbed and ashamed. When you give yourself out of the context of marriage you rob yourself and your future wife/husband of something that God created for only them to enjoy- intimacy; and soon enough you can't even remember who you are any more coz you no longer enjoy this and you want out but don't know how. God didn't create sex for selfish reasons. I guess that's why sexual abuse evokes such fury; Coz it's self-seeking, self-serving and degrading. God wouldn't create something that goes against His character and sex has God in its DNA. He created sex to be enjoyed, to be an expression of covenant between a man, his wife and God. Period. You are united by sex; the fundamental nature of 'becoming one' is sealed by this act.
To be continued…
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