Series, The Apprentice

The Apprentice: No good men

By Kizzy Katawonga:

In the book of Luke, it’s told of a certain ruler who approaches Christ and asks, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Christ answers him “Why do you call me good? No one is good but One, that is God”

For the longest time I found this answer of the Messiah to be exceptionally mind boggling. I mean, this is the Christ, the one perfect God-man, so why would he say he isn’t good? The idea of Jesus Christ not being a good man is border line dementia.

I bring this up because I’ve noticed an ever increasing cry by women and society as a whole for good men in the world today. While there is nothing wrong with wanting and expecting good men, I believe we are inevitably setting ourselves up for colossal disappointment.

Why? Because inherently, as the story of Christ and the ruler shows, there really are no good men in the world. At all.

You may be saying to yourself, “oh come on, those are biblical holier-than-thou standards. We just want good honest faithful men.” Well there-in lies the dilemma of many a woman desperately searching for the mythical good man.

Over the years men in general have behaved so appallingly and their glaring failures have indelibly stamped an image of bad boys on the minds of every woman.

But I have come to realize the problem with that is that it has created an impossible image of what the contrary is supposed to be.The idea of a good man is extremely warped.

Society has created this supernatural standard by which it defines a good man.  A good man never lets you down, he’s never unfaithful, he never cries or shows weakness, he always knows what to do, he always knows how to make you feel special, he never looks at another woman, he cries and loves sharing his feelings, he makes tons of money, he’s super strong and well built, he always gives you what you want, he is a world class chef, a black belt martial artist who can protect you from anyone, he’s a lover of Italian proportions, a replacement of your daddy, he always puts the toilet seat down, he completes you…!

Phew!

What a thing to live up to. Can anyone really live upto those expectations? No. I certainly can’t and not for lack of trying mind you. It’s impossible for any human man to be what society calls 'good' because society’s definition has become one more of God-like-perfection.

Please understand. I’m not saying that there is no likelihood of finding a great man. I’m simply saying that the expectations we all have about a good man are outrageous and set up every man (and the women looking for them) up for failure and disappointment.

I recently learned that the opposite of Light is not Dark. Darkness is simply the absence of light. That's why you can’t have a “Dark Bulb” you can switch on to create darkness.

In the same way, the opposite of a bad man is not a perfect man.

All men are flawed, broken, incomplete and incapable in one way or another. No one man can embody every single requirement and desire for every woman in the world. Every woman's need/desire is different and so there is no single template that fits everyone.

Perhaps that’s why the definition of a good man is so hard to pin down. Everybody has their own set of parameters. There may be some common threads but overall, vastly different.

So here’s what I say.

A good man is not one who doesn’t do bad things or come up short. Rather, a good man is one who takes responsibility for those shortcomings and strives to correct them, continuously seeking to be better in every way.

I don’t think it’s fair to ask for anything more than that.

So ladies, stop looking for good (read perfect men) and start looking for normal flawed men who are trying to be better each day. You wouldn't ask any man to judge your flaws any different.

Shalom.

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9 thoughts on “The Apprentice: No good men”

  1. Hear, hear. This speaks volumes. Thank you, Kizzy.

    Perhaps our focus is on the inevitably flawed man who has good intentions, not a perfect/good man per se. The things that make a man great in my opinion are his intentions/motives. Some women are able to catch on to them quite easily.

    I agree, it wouldn’t be fair to ask for more than that. We’re all flawed.

  2. Perhaps you are right, Kizzy, everyone has their own set of parameters. I’m not sure that women are looking for perfect men – and when someone says good, I suppose it is used loosely to mean a decent, respectful, and maybe honorable men. You see, the same ‘demands’ the world thinks women have of men, men too have demands of their own. They too look for a ‘good’ woman to marry or be with…that too requires definition but since I am not a man, I would not know. So if we say start looking for normal flawed men, the same applies to women or should apply when you look for women. In the end, no one is perfect.

  3. Well put kizzy, sometimes as ladies, we seek perfection in the men we want in our lives just to blind us from our very own. Indeed its not fair!

    1. You mean the 50% that don’t end in divorce? What about the unhappy ones that stay married – the unhappily married ones within that percentage? Mean there’s probably only about 25% left to look at..!?! -_- Just saying … Hehehehehe …

      1. i would use this not in the strictest of percentages.its my version of “the flip side”. whatever u may know the reverse could also be true…”the other 50%”

  4. heheheheheehehhe…..well put….i guess this goes both ways….or in a sense humans are not perfect…we are in constant redifintion ……….

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