Philandering Somethings (I): Somewhat in defense of men
Why do men cheat? I ask myself this question several times, almost every day, and more often than not, I come up with yet another reason why they do, however, not why they should. There's a difference. Why men cheat is easily justifiable; after all, it is in the nature of the beast to procreate, to want more than one partner. However Christian or Zen a person might be, allow me say that they'd be lying if they said they'd never, not once, lusted after the opposite sex.
What is cheating anyway? I believe it can be emotional and physical, even without the very elaborate act of penetration involved. Getting unsettlingly close to someone other than your significant other can be termed as cheating. However, for the purposes of this article, I'll stick to the physical aspect and leave out all the extras.
Like I said before, as a woman, I can think of quite a number of reasons why a man would cheat on his partner and I consider them justifiable by the fact that they are what they are – valid reasons. These reasons may seem unfair but they are true. We can't ignore them because of the discomfort they bring however shallow or baseless they might seem – they are practically fact. The sooner we accept them as women, the better we learn to deal. Consider these few;
A man will cheat simply because he can. He knows he can do whatever he wants, whenever, so he lets it rip. Men don't have to worry about unplanned pregnancies or taking the pill. They also have the condom, withdrawal and the option of denying their spawn. Life's good! Except for the HIV/AIDs bit of course.
Sex and love are two entirely different things. I've been told by some philandering men (husbands and boyfriends no less) that sex and love are separate. Apparently some men are able to love their significant others and still comfortably sleep with other women. Like separation of church and state (if that is possible), men can separate their emotions from sexual intercourse. It begs me to question what their definition of “love” is. But whatever, I'm not here to judge. I do know that men and women show affection in very different ways.
A man will cheat because he's into variety; after all, isn't it the spice of life? Some men just aren't the one-woman kind. Period.
A man will cheat because he is bored. Ladies have a tendency to get too comfortable and let things go. We tend to think that once he's bought the cow, we don't need to do all those nice little cute things that made him chase after the milk. So we get too comfortable, too busy to take care of ourselves, lose the make-up (if he's into having his woman paint her face), gain the extra pounds and once in a while fart extra loud to sweeten the deal. So he gets bored, loses interest and then…
A man will cheat because he has emotionally connected with another woman. When he moves on to another seemingly more interesting woman, sometimes that younger girl who pays attention to him, laughs at all his jokes and still manages to look like an angel even when she's in the bathroom (I actually mean the toilet), gives him that connection he feels he no longer has with you.
A man will cheat because his woman is holding out on him. Why women think that holding out on a man is a sensible punishment is beyond me. There are millions of women out there who would be more than willing to bed your mate, good looking or not. Some women have standards and others don't and I can assure you, fair maiden, that there are more women who have few to no standards at all who would be more than willing to take over your bedroom responsibilities for you. So don't you dare be giving him the cold shoulder as a punishment, ever! He will simply go and get some from somewhere else.
A man will cheat because he thinks he will not get caught. Just dumb! That's what they are sometimes. It's like they've never heard of female intuition. We can smell a cheating something a mile away even when he's doused himself in cologne.
A man will cheat because he believes (albeit stupidly) it is his “ding dong”, and therefore his right to use it as he may. I will always be in awe of the fundamentalist male, the sexist, misogynist, chauvinist, all bundled up in one who still believes a woman's place is the kitchen. The kind of man who believes women should not have a say in the running of things, he goes off and gets married to a woman and remains insensitive to her needs. Mistreats her – violence and all – and goes ahead to cheat on her because he feels it makes him more of a man. Weak! Real men take care of their business, commitment and all. Being able to face the hard stuff head-on is part of what makes you a man.
A man will cheat because it is what he knows/has grown up knowing. Say he grew up with a philanderer for a father and knows no better way to treat a woman than the way he saw his papa treat his momma. Unsettling? Yes. Valid reason? Absolutely! Children are very perceptive; they can pick up at an early age the littlest things that have the ability to influence the way they think. Sometimes it's not a man's fault that he didn't have a father figure to show him the ropes, to show him how real men deal in life.
These are just a few of the reasons – the tip of the iceberg if you will. Even though we've looked at these reasons and acknowledged them, it doesn't mean that men should go out and cheat. The difference, I believe, between thinking about doing it and actually doing it lies in one's level of maturity and self-control. It's a two-way street' I think.