She Species

By Kizzy Katawonga:

So this is a question that has consistently clawed at my nerves for years now. Where are all the good men?

It creates wild pictures of a dying race of female aliens traveling billions of light years across the galaxy in search of good men and abducting every single last one off the planet in a bid to save their own species!

Epic Hollywood blockbuster stuff.

As I grew up and saw the failings of many men in my life, I began to see it as a valid question but my eyes have since been opened to a new truth. Call it a revelation, like in the bible.

And it’s simply this. We have all got it wrong! (And by 'we' I mean you of the fairer sex)

But, let me give you a bit of background.

We live in a society that revels in the sensational. Every morning the newspapers hit us with breaking news of the latest natural disaster, political coup, war, financial meltdown not to mention everyone's personal favorite; the sex scandal!

We are attuned to bad news. We have been programmed to see the worst, only the negative in any situation. Forget the silver lining; look at that big ass dark cloud!

So this brings me back to my point on how all of us (and again by us I mean you women) have got it all wrong about good men seemingly disappearing off the face of the earth.

I’ve come to discover that this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Ladies I’m here to tell you that the good news is, the good men haven’t gone anywhere. They are still here, walking among us.


“Errr, no Mr. Apprentice. We’ve been searching for years for these good men so surely if they were still here, we would have found them by now.”

Errr, No. Not if you don’t know what a good man looks like.

The trouble is, our media and our parents have exposed us to no end of good examples of bad men. Like I said, we thrive on bad news. So it’s so easy to see the few examples of bad men in the world and extrapolate that to be the end of the world.

Extreme? Not really. Think about how we look at the news and see a financial meltdown in a powerful European country (yes, Spain isn’t Uganda, thank God) and quickly make it our own personal reality; which really has nothing to do with our own financial meltdown which we caused out of our own pathetic financial habits.

So anyway, back to my point. It’s easy to see the 1 in 10000 men who abandons his family, abuses a wife, defiles kids while it seems rather difficult to see the other 99,999 who are doing the complete opposite.

The ones who stay, the ones who love and protect, the ones who raise great kids that we are proud to call our friends – these guys are out there, so many of them it's unbelievable.

You see ladies the issue isn’t that there are no good men or that they have somehow gone to some mythical place over the rainbow which is only revealed to select women. No.

Good men are all around you. The only difference is that YOU can’t see them. You can’t recognize a good man because you're too hang up on the bad images that have been sown in your mind.

I assure you that it’s statistically impossible for the greater majority of men to be bad because then you would have a totally dysfunctional and destroyed society.

But, it is a dysfunctional society, you may say. True but the reason isn’t because there are an overwhelmingly large number of bad men, husbands and fathers.

For example, out of all the people I’ve known in my lifespan I can’t say more than 5 out of the hundreds I’ve known have been abused physically or sexually by their fathers/husbands/boyfriends. Interestingly none of them is dysfunctional but rather they are some of the most outstanding people I know.

So there you have it people. The good men never left. We just stopped noticing them till eventually we didn’t know how to identify them. But they are there; Billions of them – Ready to take responsibility, lead, love, protect and provide.

Everyday I rub shoulders with such men. They cry out that the women they want never notice them. They only respond to the bad boys. Go figure, that’s all the poor dears have been taught to see – Bad men.

The old adage rings so true. Nice guys do finish last. But it doesn’t mean they aren’t there.

Open your eyes and you will see.

Founder and Editor in Chief of the Readers Cafe Africa

Comments (8)

  • Yule Mweupe

    I thought the good guys would be the opposite of the bad guys, looked for that, and didn't find any!

    • Kizito "Kizzy" Katawonga

      Sometimes the opposite isn't so straight forward. Good men also make mistakes. They aren't these perfect angel like beings that get everything right all the time. The major difference is that good men take responsibility for their actions, making restitution where they can as well continually growing and maturing. Beyond that, it would be a fallacy to think a good man is a straight opposite of a bad man

      • Yule Mweupe

        So true. Taking responsibility and trying, if possible, to fix their mistakes. These are rare qualities. ---------- Kathryn Sent via Nokia Email------Original message------

      • Yule Mweupe

        So true. Taking responsibility and trying, if possible, to fix their mistakes. These are rare qualities. ---------- Kathryn Sent via Nokia Email------Original message------

  • Heidi Fisher

    I think many women have reached that conclusion because experience. and I agree good men are out ther, but by the time they are found, there have been too many bad ones. In my high school alone about 70-75% of the girls I knew were abused physically/emotionally/sexually... Adn I mean the stories are endless. I do feel for the good guys, but I understand why most women are that question: 'where are all the good men'

    • Kizito "Kizzy" Katawonga

      Heidi, thats a terrible statistic. I feel so much pain and shame for that. However, the truth still remains, there are plenty of good men and many shouldn't be punished for the mistakes of the few. Womens eyes have been closed by pain and fear. By the way, it's not just men. Even women have a bad rep lately. You would be extremely surprised how much I hear guys complaining that there are no longer any good women. Like the world is filled with feminazi super independent & difiant women.Talk about irony!

      • Sarah N Nsiime

        Hi Kizzy, that indeed is a terrible statistic that Heidi revealed. And still talking about statistics, visit any school in Uganda (on sports days, class days, musical festivals, etc) and you will find five times as many women as men. Yet some of these women are working mothers. Where are the fathers? Many men are not involved in the lives of their kids and leave that responsibility to the mothers. I really would love to believe you (about there being many good and responsible men) but I am not yet convinced.

        • Kizito "Kizzy" Katawonga

          The absence of fathers at these events doesn't mean they are bad or absentee. Our society has often taught us that this is the place of women to attend such events. I often find myself a single male when making antenatal visits to the gyn with my wife. The men simply don't know that its OK for them to do some of these things. Women have portrayed a lot of these actions as mum capable only. However behind the scenes are many a man working diligently to provide the funds necessary to pay for schools, sports days and such. They may not be visible to you, but they are there. U simply need to look at the whole, unrevealed picture. Tip of the iceberg so to speak :)

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