P.s I love You, Series

P.s. I love you: Always in my heart

By Andrew Pacutho:

I sensed something was wrong. Something had gone wrong over the past few weeks and like a slow rancid smell, it crawled all over what we had. So when you called me and said those four words, “We need to talk,” I was not surprised.

I watched as the words tumbled off your lips; how you laboured to make your point without hurting me. I saw how you stammered and furrowed your brow as you searched for the gumption and right words to break up with me.

Your reasoning sounded like an echo. With each new sentence my march to the gallows shortened. Sometimes I got angry as you spoke, but never for long. How could I be mad at you?  I was mostly sad. Sad because I had seen this coming and I knew you were right.

I remember first meeting you. You were the image of a real Muhiima woman with curves which rival that of a Coca-Cola bottle. Unlike most of your kinsmen, you were of a richer chocolate complexion and your penchant for gyming at an early age gave you the physique of an athlete.

You my love were the 'belle of the ball'. I am so sure not a boy can say they did not have a crush on you. As if your beauty was not enough, your heart and your love for people left even the most stoic of men on their knees. I was smitten.

It was years before I had even gained the courage to speak to you. I had tried with all my might, and even succeeded in making you just a friend but like the other side of a split personality, my 'love' for you kept surging forward.

I had shrugged it off as just a crush, a serious one at that for you see, I don't fall that easily but when I do, it is rather severe. I played hide and seek with my feelings and ping pong with the notion of a relationship. You filled my dreams and fantasies and even shaped my principles.

Because of you I had found the strength to grapple with my over active mind; it is amusing how one can think such disrespectful things about the person one so loves. This and so many things started with me smitten at your feet.

It was not until many, many months later that I was confident enough to orbit your presence for more than a couple of minutes and that is where it started fall in place.

We had some really wonderful conversations and from them we realised how much alike we were. Our conversation grew into something more … a type of friendship based on mutual respect. For a while my 'raging crush' was sated. I figured being around you quelled that 'beast' that was my love for you.

In many ways you are still roaming free on the ranges of my heart. I will always love you and a portion of my heart will always be in your possession. I was uplifted by our relationship.

Always in my heart,

Yours, Me.

P.S. I love you.

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