The Apprentice: Damn straight you are worthy!

The Apprentice: Damn straight you are worthy!

By Kizzy Katawonga

“I don't feel worthy”

These are the words that popped into my head as I thought about why I shouldn't make a certain move in my life. Our inner dialogue can be a surprising place when you are as brutally honest with yourself as I am. You will regularly shock yourself with the revelations!

Two weeks ago I talked about how we tend to live beneath our dignity mainly because we're afraid of what other people will say. I was talking about how the process of getting a Range Rover had revealed so many wrong beliefs I held about myself, all sneakily hidden in my subconscious.

However, I noticed that in my own particular case, it wasn't because I am afraid of what people would say as much as I, feeling unworthy of respect, success, wealth, happiness. I know it sounds strange when you think about it. We all desire fame, success, love, recognition, wealth or whatever but in some strange twisted way, deep down, we really don't think we're worthy of any of it.

I was shocked when the words came out of my mouth. How could I not feel worthy? Why would I think such a thing? I'm talented, intelligent, and creative. I don't come from a lower caste or anything like that so why on earth would I feel unworthy?

To be honest I haven't fully understood why I don't feel worthy. Perhaps it's because I never really knew my father growing up and as such I never had his affirmation. Or perhaps it's because I was always teased and rejected by my older brothers as a young boy and I developed the idea that it was because I wasn't good enough.

Maybe it's just that I'm too scared of having to justify to everyone why I am worthy of great success.

I don't know and until I do, I don't really know if I can truly progress in life. I will always end up subconsciously sabotaging myself. Every time an opportunity for growth comes, I will find a way to screw it up.

I know that a lot of us live like this. We wonder why we're always at the precipice and then something happens for everything to fall apart. We envy those around us who with less opportunities, brains or looks end up succeeding far in excess of ourselves. The Christians among us are quick to blame the devil or one of his many agents for our lack of progress.

But when you look at it critically, it's really our sense of unworthiness that is the root cause of all this.

So my next question then is, how do we feel worthy? Hmmm.

I think a person feels worthy when all the goodness that is them is acknowledged. When you understand how unique you are, that you are a divine masterpiece, a never to be repeated, one time showing in all of eternity then something changes. When you understand that the particular way you talk, walk, laugh and perceive the world is unique to you and no one before or after you will ever be the same.

I think that is the first major foundation for worthiness. Recognizing who you are, the inherent you, that isn't formed by what you have or achieve; the breathe of God in you.

The more I reflect on this, the more I realize that indeed I am worthy. I am the only one who can write like this and see things like this. I'm here for one special appearance in forever and all of creation is looking to see what mark I will leave on it. Awesome!

So I'm not going to waste any more time feeling any less worthy than what God says I am. He says I am a King and a Priest. I am worthy because He gave His life so that I might live. I am worthy because the creator of all things, the great I am, the man upstairs allows me to call Him “Papa, Abba, Father”

There is a song I love. It says “God makes all things Glorious and I am His, so what does that make me?”

Well, ask yourself that question and then you'll know for damn sure, you are worthy!

Founder and Editor in Chief of the Readers Cafe Africa

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