By Kizzy Katawonga
I'm stunned, outraged and demoralized.
I've been talking to a good friend who has been enlightening me about the not so secret life of a friend of mine. I thought I knew him but I didn't. I've been taken for a fool. I looked up to him and held him in the highest regard. Alas, he is nowhere near the kind of man I can look upto anymore. He lies and cheats with the finesse of a trained Mossad infiltrator in an Al Queada camp.
He's all along been cheating on his wife. An open secret that only I didn't know. And it's not just the official mistress but there have been so many other temporary arrangements. I'm crushed and disillusioned. I'm ashamed of my naiveté.
How can this be going on around me, under my nose? How can I not see this? “It's because you're too straight. They won't show their true colors around you. They pretend.” She says. And there I was thinking I was approachable and people could speak to me easily and honestly. Talk about your delusions.
It is said that a man is only as faithful as his options. Kweli? I don't buy that for one second. How can it be that a man is so ridiculously unstable in his ways that it depends on the 'options' available to him to determine the status of his fidelity and integrity?
Are men so truly base? So Neanderthal?
Every day, I am exposed to young single ladies (and old married women too). The options are bountiful. Yet I remain faithful to my wife. I guess that means I'm not really a man. I'm definitely not homosexual so maybe I'm a metrosexual. But I don't do my nails and go for spa treatments. Am I impotent, a eunuch? I don't think so; I enjoy biblical knowledge of my wife very much indeed. She's just so damn hot!
Can you see why I don't understand all that's going on around me? I know the options are many but really, that can't be the start and finish of my character. Just because I have willing and available partners, does that mean I should make use of them? If so it would stand to reason that every time I'm driving, since I have the option to run someone over, I should?
On the contrary, I believe a man is one who is faithful despite his options. A man's character isn't determined by his outward circumstances or options but rather by his beliefs and principles that he holds to be true.
To me, a true man can be faced with a Victoria secret model in the skimpiest of lingerie items dancing on a pole and still choose to smile and say, “Not today baby”.
To me a man is someone who can stare at a million dollars in bribe money and politely tell the person to 'eff off' even if his family could really use it but because he knows the terrible repercussions of the deal on his business or country.
To me a man is someone who can stick through good and bad, thick and thin when everything and everyone tells him to quit but he won't because he made a commitment to see it through.
That's the kind of person I want to be – A beacon of hope and trust. I refuse to be like the people I thought were my friends. I refuse to be branded and stereotyped as all men being the same.
I refuse to be only as faithful as my options.
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