By Lebogang Sewale:
“I don't think I trust him/her that much!” or “I'm not sure if I can trust him/her!”
These are the common statements we hear in our daily lives. Trust is another tool of life, but happens to be a very difficult component to maintain. The truth is; trust is an odd thing: on the other hand it's probably the single most important ingredient in successful relationships. Because trust is in our heads a state of mind, an interpretation, a subjective feeling that develops over time – we are never clear on how to reliably improve it.
I always believed that no one could fully trust anyone, but someone made me realise a few days ago that you either trust someone or you don't; there is no in-between. Where there is doubt, trust perishes. I learned that a high degree of trust would permit me to take you at your word, to accept your statement at face value – without question. My mind should not be in conflict with my heart. In other words THIS simply means you process the statement you receive in your mind, accept it in your heart, then your soul and your whole being should be at peace. I agree that for this as a developing aptitude, not everyone can pass the test the first time around.
On the extreme side of things, a high degree of distrust creates quite a mess: a climate of fear and anxiety would make almost everything seem nearly impossible, shifting the focus from flowing collaboration to suspicious second-guessing, guarded (if any) participation, and probably a pattern of conflict avoidance or passive-aggressiveness. Worse still, our moral judgments about each other’s untrustworthiness make resolution of these problems quite unlikely.
Yes! It is virtually impossible for people to be close over a sustained period of time without passing through one or more trust violating experiences. Often one will say to the other “I can never trust you again. You broke my trust at some point in the past and I can never be sure that you won’t do it again.” That last part is actually true. There is no way to guarantee that trust will never be broken again, but love is willing to risk and let the past be the past.
The truth is; we cannot expect to achieve closeness with people unless we are willing to allow others to understand what we are like on the inside and unless others trust us enough to grant the same privilege. Trust must become a priority growth especially in relationships of any kind or friendships; trust requires liberation from the past. The key is to set your mind to the truth and there will be an auto-search of trust, giving it a chance at full development.
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