Reflections

It was on the inside all along

By Andrew Pacutho:

Ok! Men are dogs. Low down, no good, SOB's, waste of space. They are cheats and wife beaters, absentee fathers and child molesters. Heck they are rapists, hoodlums and no-good-low-down-mind-in-the-gutter weak a** bums with no money in their pockets and no vision for the future, perpetually washed in booze.

And then…..? We admit that and then what? Shall that make you happier, more fulfilled less stressed and less hurt? Shall it grow your self esteem and rebuild you frayed and shattered lives? I'm guessing it shall not. You are looking in the wrong place honey. Man/humanity is just not capable of that kind of grace.

Well, if men shall not give you your dues then you shall just have to take and take you have? You have climbed into the arena and kicked man-butt, outdoing them in their own field and building an empire for you.

Strangely, like the animals of animal farm, looking in through the window at the pigs and men, we see little or no difference and this is more the root of your emptiness than anything men may have done in the past.
You now drink as much, smoke as much, are as loud as they are and have multiple sex partners as they do. You chase after men just as they chased after women. But you know what, all the evils you decried in the past still happen. The name may change but the master still remains the same.

You are raped and you call it one night stands. You are used and misused and you call it friends with benefits. Children used to cry to see their daddies but now their mommies too. Tell me that is not double tragedy!

You walked out of the kitchen, even armies march on their stomachs, and surrendered the running of your home to a maid. Tell me that you have not been cheated, a Faustian bargain but with little gain. You rule the boardrooms and barely rule the home. You chose to be equal to men and lost the partnership.

Don't mistake the amenities of this time and freedoms for they are the carrot, I suspect we are discovering the stick.
When God made you, even from the rib of a man, he placed you in the perfect place. He made you a partner to man. Like everything in the garden, He was intentional, benevolent and all knowing. There is a reason for all the physiological and psychological and physical differences between the sexes.

You can blame a man for breaking your heart but you cannot blame him for your staying broken. You can blame him for stealing your innocence but you cannot blame him for your bitterness. You can blame him for being dishonest and unfaithful but you cannot blame him for your mistrust of men or hopelessness towards relationships. He could have raped you once but he did not make you climb into bed with all the rest.

He could have sidelined and undermined you in the boardroom but he is not the definition of success. He cheated on you once, but he did not put a gun to your forehead and make you stay. Men may have done so many things to you women, but we are not responsible for who you choose to become.

The focal point of God is that he transforms. NOT CHANGES…he transforms. Women the answer is right before you. God wants to transform you but you have to let go of all that pain, hurt and hate. You have to surrender you rights to Him and obey him, for a little pain now leading to greater joy tomorrow.

The happiest women are not those that have achieved the most but have surrendered and let go of the most. We cannot change the past nor do we know the future but we can chose to set the course of our lives today.

He takes the broken, beaten and worn bits and melts them down till the bruises and cracks cannot be seen then he starts the remaking, the transformation process again. Change is most times sudden set with imperfection; transformation is slow and gradual taking its time to sort out the kinks so that what emerges is beautiful.

The pieces “What Makes Women Content?” by Lebogang Sewela is spot on, your greatest victories come from the inside out not from the outside in. Forget about hateful men, they shall always be there. Focus on the few that stick to the true grain. Forget the bosses who keep you down, focus on the open doors before you. You don't always have to shout to be heard.
Sometimes the reasons we crumple is not because the pressure on the outside it too much but because that on the inside is too little.
Humanity will continue to be weak and hurtful. You have access to power beyond the cosmos, choose to be stronger. Choose the partnership.

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