Reflections

Letter to my Love

 

By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda

My love,

Through thick and thin we held on to this relationship because we had love. You were it for me and I was the same for you. We fought and cried and made up and laughed.

I hope you know my last thoughts of you weren’t good. They were bitter. Because you know me. You know what makes me happy and sad. You know what turns me on and off. You know my strengths and every weak spot. And you took that knowledge and wielded it like a knife to stab me in the back. I cannot believe you.

But even though my last memories of you were sad, I remember the good times too.

I remember our first date, where you held me tenderly and kissed me. I remember falling for you even as I tried to fight it, and you falling for me. I remember our moments of doubt that maybe it wasn’t love.

I thank you for your love when I was prickly and over bearing. You put up with my shit when you didn’t have to, and that’s when I knew you loved me. I will remember you even as my soul leaves the earth. For how can I forget you when you became a part of me?

My dear,

Don’t hold on to the fights and the betrayal you felt when things got hard and I handled our issues poorly. Don’t cry when it hits you I am gone and you will never see my smile or taste my cooking. Don’t mourn the daughter we will never have, or the things you were waiting to do and never got a chance to.

My darling,

All I ask is that you live. Live for me. Live for our future we will never have. Live like it’s your last day because you never know when it will be. Live like you got a chance to do all the things you didn’t and wouldn’t and do them. For its not every day you get a second chance.

I hope you find happiness. I hope you aren’t alone mourning me for you deserve all the happiness and love. Find someone to give your love and I hope she loves you back. Don’t doubt yourself. I saw you achieve what others thought you couldn’t and I know you can do so much more.

Don’t be afraid to love. Not everyone will hurt you like I did. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, someone that loves you will eagerly shoulder the burden. Don’t be afraid to trust, to hope, to want, to ask for more. You can get everything you want.

And I hope you get that daughter you can spoil. A life you can enjoy, and many years to just live. Live to the fullest.

We had good years together and life was filled. Fill each day with memories, laughter and joy. Do not hold on to pain and bitterness for each day lost will not come back.

Most of all, I hope you know that I loved you as much as it’s capable to love. With every fiber and bit of me. I will always love you.

Live for me.

Your darling always.

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