Confessions of a Social Pariah, Reflections

Am I getting too old?

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By Spliph, South Africa:

Fashion and new trends are really messing things up, or maybe I’m just getting old. My little brother walked past me the other day and my life changed. After freezing in one spot in awe, I regained myself and watched the creature wander off into the distance. I then did what Moses did and retired to my mountain to draft the 10 Commandments of belt wearing.

This boy walked by with his bum in full view, sporting a German Cut which tilts to one side like the Tower of Pisa. He was wearing torn pants, a torn t-shirt and filthy All-Star takkies. I didn’t know whether to hand him a food voucher or introduce him to Omo Washing Powder.

Then I remember seeing a picture of Kanye West on this young man?s phone looking like a Hobo and it all made sense. After the West realisation I visited some fashion blog and caught up on some things. Apparently, looking homeless is big abroad and South Africa has copied this. You know, judging by the length and tightness of some clothing, nudity will soon be a reality. I mean what on earth is a Crop Top? Is it the same as a Boob tube? And what?s the difference between a bum short and underwear? And why are those things called leggings? I grew up calling them stockings and they were usually accompanied by a formal skirt.

People are also walking around with a dog leash on their necks, but when did suffocating become admirable? Men are wearing extremely short shorts. They remind me of the days when football players wore Mtungwa shorts. Not sure what Mtungwa shorts are, Google Jomo Sono?s playing days and you’ll see. It’s as though something is about to jump out and say “hello!” No man.

What happened to the days when people walked around with very high waist pants and long dresses or skirts? Or is there a shortage of material and fabric that I have not heard of? I am also tempted to say something about that half-naked girl at Wits University who was protesting, but judging by what they did to Skhumba I will keep quiet. Who knew tennis balls could stir up such a broad female response.

This fashion thing really got me to think about my children; the ones I am yet to have. I doubt they will own a cell-phone before they reach the 11th grade. I don’t want them exposed to such things. I mean, we had magazines for some things, but today young people get them as a notification on their phones. While we used to fantasise about driving sport cars, today girls are being explored at concerts in Braamfontein. Banna..! Please tell me if I’m getting old, I need to know.

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