By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:
It's raining exes. Literally and figuratively. I just might have to give out numbers so they can assuage me one at a time. I am beginning to think exes have a sensor. Because every time the window is open, even for a little while, they breeze in like afternoon news. You know, 'Hey. I miss you. Can I see you?' It takes a lot not to say that I don't want to see you cause am just not into you. Yes, I was for a while but that particular insanity has relapsed in the time we were apart and now I'm fine.
I don't know how hard it is to make up a mind. Most of these exes play silly games when you give them the time of day then as soon as you leave, it is silence for a while, then the usual: ' I made a mistake. Why did you leave me?'. I would like to give them more credit than is due but I can't, for the life of me, find a logical reason for their behavior.
Is it A.? They got so bored and remembered you weren't quite so boring?
B.? It took you leaving for them to realize you were special? This one just plainly pisses me off. If am with you and give it my all, I don't see why you should pussyfoot, play 'I don't know what I want' and drive me to leave then suddenly it dawns on you that I was the one.
C.? Desperate. They went out and did what they wanted to do and it wasn't as glorious as they thought it would be. So they chose to come back and settle for you so they wouldn't be alone. I think I hate this one more than B.
D.? Curious if you will take him back. This type is a psycho and keeps doing stuff to mess you up and see if you will go back if he plays sorry.
E.? Just. Like as if the world ran out of men…
Now if the reasons they are hanging around aren't bad enough, try the issues they bring into your life. Anything from how the girl he now likes broke his heart. What, you want to hear how I was the best thing you messed up? I am. Deal with it.
Then the really disgusting ones who want to 'hang out.' as if I don't get the code for 'Yes I want to sleep with you but I can't be bothered to make something work.' What am I, a missionary? Get lost.
The brain dead ones who ask where you buy your clothes or shoes or lingerie because they want to buy that stuff for some bimbo they happen to be with now. No offense but if you couldn't have something real before, no way that you found it now. It's just really insulting that you would want to clone her with stuff I used to have.
Those who tell you about her. You know, she reminds me of you. Only less high maintenance. It's easy to be with her. You have got to be kidding me. You mean, you left because it was hard? Wait till she sees you in full action, she won't cope nearly as well as I did. Easy to be with, we'll see.
I care about you, really I do. RIIIIGGGHHHT. You care so much you had to leave, I get it.
Exes will be exes. You just have to tune them out because if he hurt you before, he will again with the new tricks he has picked up messing around in the time you were apart.
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