By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:
Every relationship has its fair share of drama, fights and mistakes. Think Mars and Venus. There is no way two people who are different in every possible way including physically and chemically will think the same way. Which is why you have to go through getting to know each other. Find out what he likes and dislikes; what could trigger her anger, sorrow and pain and what you both want out of life. If you are too different, bolt!!
Growing up involves learning to settle differences without resorting to emotional blackmail, tantrums, ultimatums, insults and the cold shoulder. If you really do want something to work, why would you sabotage it by actions that will have reactions like bitterness and anger? I am learning how to be an adult the hard way, by learning from my own mistakes.
I was given the basics; stay true to yourself and uphold your values. But values change. When you are seeing someone and they matter to you, it becomes difficult to hold on to the wedge between you. You think of compromises and concede defeat just to keep the peace. At the end of the day you may not recognize who you have become while changing for someone.
No one can define what's important to you, you do that for yourself and have to stand by your choices. So if your decisions are hurting someone would you change your mind just for them? What if they were hurting you instead? Would you sacrifice your values just to keep someone by your side? It gets a little complicated when you are both stubborn. No one wants to change for the other and yet somehow you claim to want to be together. You begin to doubt each other's love. Maybe he doesn't love you enough to change for you. He begins to question you, maybe you aren't ready to let him be the man you let be your king.
I know now that the things I believe in are a part of me. It's exactly why I am the person he fell for. My stubbornness and assertiveness; my talent, my passion for the things I believe in. He told me I am the single most annoying person he knows but he wouldn't trade me for anyone else. I asked him that what if I didn't change, would he still want to be with me? He said he wanted the whole package, and wouldn't want me any other way. I guess you have to be ready to take people the way they are. Do not force someone to give up their values, hopes and dreams for you. All those experiences are the sum of who they are. Changing that may change who you end up with. But don't be such a pain either, be someone you are both proud of.
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