Paper and Ink, Series

Paper and Ink: Femme Aimee (11)

By Emmeline Bisiikwa, Uganda:

You would think that after dating someone for a month, 6 months, a year, two years, you would get used to the distance. It's illogical to expect to spend every minute of every day with someone even if you did live together. But our minds don't always act in a predetermined way. So each time he leaves I feel bereft. Like I just lost my best friend and myself at the same time.

Every single time he has to be away it feels like my smile is being ripped off my face. The depression remembers to drop in more frequently like an uninvited neighbor and it takes all my strength not to call and beg him to come back to me. I know he has other commitments and stuff but it still hurts to not be the top priority every day.

They say love is patient and kind, I think it's selfish and unkind. 'Cause all I care about is having him by my side even though I do know he has other obligations. It doesn't envy, boast nor is it proud; yet every time we have a fight, pride is the rock we hold on to. No one wants to be hurt by the person that holds their heart and seeing that person needing you less than you need them can break you. It is not self-seeking yet sometimes we look out for ourselves.

It's not easily angered but somehow he is the one person that gets under my skin and makes me want to pull my hair out in frustration. Love keeps no records of wrongs yet each time I am upset I remember every single thing he has done to hurt me. The little ones, the big ones, and the ginormous ones. I literally throw them in his face and hope he feels as much pain as he caused me then.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Somehow it is easier to not trust someone and give up hope in order to protect your heart. Humans change and are unpredictable so it's much easier to not let someone else in. So we embrace uncertainties and push the people we love away by not trusting them and our love.

Love never fails, that seems to be the last vestige of hope for human kind. So I keep fighting against all the things that are and hoping somehow what should be will come to pass. I hold on to my dreams of a better future together. I wait for the pain of his absence to pass and know that when he is ready he will come back to me and it will all be ok.

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