Illusions of a Bachelor, Series

Illusions of a Bachelor: Even my Pastor wears Prada

By Aaron Aroriza, Uganda:

Satan paced back and forth, leisurely stroking his beard.  It had been long since the last time he had played tricks on God's image. It had been the first time then too and he had found it hilarious. He had walked – nay crawled – up to Eve and dared her to taste the forbidden fruit. Eve had never been dared. She had never been tempted. And she didn't know how to react either. But she had risen up to the bait anyhow and dug her pristine white teeth into that luscious fruit. It must have tasted so sweet for she couldn't wait to give some to Adam. [If you detect any pun here, know I did not intend it]. Adam had not resisted then. Adam's descendants haven't fared any better when it comes to issues of Eve's progeny up to now.  Adam's and Eve's eyes had suddenly been opened and for the first time they could clearly see their image in its entirety – God's image. They were ashamed of it and even hid themselves in the bushes. Satan had successfully executed his first practical joke on God.

He paced some more, stroked some more, reminiscing that moment when human beings had become ashamed of their creator's art; when they had become ashamed of a masterpiece that was in God's image. A devilish smile formed on his slips slowly spreading to his eyes and suddenly culminating into ear shattering evil laughter. His demons had earlier been complaining of boredom. Now he had figured out an interesting activity that would keep them occupied for some time.

“Let's replace their fore heads with sharks!” the white demon said with excitement. “How shall we do that?” the devil himself asks. “Caps…caps, let's make caps for them that have a shark on the front. They will prefer a shark to God's forehead. Let's brand these humans. Let's cover God's image with small animal images and while we are at it, let's mix in our own images…ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Satan was happy with himself and proud of his white demon. How about a horse on the chest or a crocodile? How about cats and dogs to cover those private parts? They still call them private parts when they've turned them into USB ports and flash sticks. Aren't they amazing! “I'm not surprised. They always had animal instincts and animals don't have a sense of privacy. Let's also give them some animal print underwear”, the devil chipped in. How about a cougar to replace God's feet? “You mean like Puma?” Satan was really getting the drift now.  “And I want to provide shades for their eyes. They shouldn't see God's natural light. Let's give them a little darkness in the day. Let's term that phenomenon as gucci”

The black demon shifted uncomfortably on his haunches. He didn't want the white demon to have all the fun by himself in this new venture. “I'll give them beads” he said, attracting the attention of Satan. “Yes, beads for their necks, for their arms, for their legs, for their waists. Let's distort God's black image.” How about bark cloth? How about covering their feet with pieces of rubber cut from old tires? Let's make them think they own every cloth with animal print.

Satan almost died of happiness. “Even in their sleep I don't want them to show off God's image – his master piece. We will give them night gowns, like the ones we use down here. Oh, and one last thing”, the devil snapped his fingers and suddenly appeared in a unique suit. The two demons looked on questioningly. “The devil wears prada”, he said smiling devilishly at his two comrades. “Does prada make suits – shinny suits like those?” the white demon asked. “Does it matter? These are the suits I will personally make for some of the most pompous black pastors and I will call them prada”.

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