Illusions of a Bachelor, Series

Illusions of a Bachelor: Don’t Marry!

By Aaron Aroriza, Uganda:

While our mothers were fighting for gender equality and passionately pursuing women emancipation, they forgot and washed theirs and their husbands' dirty linen in public.

That public included their sons and daughters who were growing up in an information-over bombarded age. They heard everything, saw everything and then imagined some. Conclusion! Marriage wasn't a good institution to be. Wives were slaves while husbands were enslaved.

Wives – I mean our mothers, talked about being trampled over, being cheated on, being beaten, being raped by their husbands – I mean our fathers, terrible and horrible mothers-in-law, being taken as secondary humans – commodities… taken as slaves.

Husbands, cheated, came back home late and never gave their kids anytime, drunk and acted silly, manufactured what our mothers called bastards, hit on girls their grand daughters' age, defiled 3 months old babies, complained about being bewitched by their wives…acted enslaved.

Children watched these things on TV, read them in the papers, saw them at home, saw them in the neighborhood, heard about them at school, and got educated about them. Conclusion? Marriage was a worse institution to be in. And they were already in quite a bad institution – that of outdated education.

Then some younger sisters of our mothers decided to be single mothers. They were independent, seemed happy, lived what seemed a good life, had kids with so many toys, went out with the girls in their own cars, wore whatever they wanted, smoked whatever leaf they chose, slept with whomever they wanted whenever they wanted…embodied the concept of freedom.

Younger brothers of our fathers followed suit. They became single fathers who slept with any single mother they chose to, slept with any and every campuser their lust-compass pointed to, drove ear shattering sports cars, clubbed from Monday to Sunday, drunk every tribe of booze as if they were paid tasters, lived in posh houses where they played the loudest music on their home theatres, went to the beach every weekend with their single fathered kids surrounded by bitches …embodied the dream life.

Our brothers and sisters, even those from other mothers and fathers watched in awe. Conclusion? Not getting married is da-bomb.

But something happened. Our mothers woke up a little late after a hectic women activism day to find their sons and daughters past the normal acceptable marriage age. They were alarmed. Before they could arrange another feminism meet, they discovered their sons and daughters were already living together in their own little blue world and had even already coined an un-motherly word for this un-fatherly marriage: Cohabitation. Our mothers were shocked. They told our fathers who got frustrated, for this would make them lose out on the bride price. So feminists and masculinists (ouch, even the computer doesn't agree to the use of the word), came together and put up a very hasty bill; the marriage and divorce bill. Our fathers proposed that bride price be disguised as brideal gift in concession to some of the demands our mothers put on the table.

They are hoping the law will instill values that they as parents – while they bickered and fought back and forth about equality – forgot and failed to instill in their children.

One piece of advice for our feminist mothers and their masculinist husbands; If you want your kids to do something, tell them not to do it. This is something they would know if they had paid a little more attention on parenting. Every kid knows, no parent nags you to do something fun. And if our married feminists and masculinists are going through so much trouble to drum this marriage message into the kids, chances are, it's something very un-enjoyable…or so the 'kids' are thinking.

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