By Brian Bwesigye:
Hey man, I met this really smashing guy in the gym, you should have seen him. Wow! I thanked God I was not with my girlfriend or else I would have died from jealousy. The dude has a cool goatee, his muscles are very many small and big pumpkins attached to his body, on the arms, on the shoulders, the chest and other places. Then the way he walks. Okay, let us just say that I met a male model in real life. Not these male models that advertise clothes, I mean those ones the ladies look at and then start wetting their knickers immediately as their minds roam around the man's loins.
So you are wondering, what the hell was I doing in the gym? You are sure I am not a sportsperson, I am not physically unfit, I do lots of walking around and eating healthy (because I can't afford the unhealthy food anyway), so why would I be in a gym? You see, I am sick and tired of this talk of the abs, the six packs, the pectoral muscles and all that shit. I am sick and tired of being told to look manlier. So, I have a poster of a 'manly' man in my room that I look at before I go to sleep and every morning and say a prayer to our Maker to make me look like that poster man. That man on the poster is who I want to be.
I know you are silently cursing at my selling-out. Or you are laughing at my inability to stick to that gospel of a man is not made by muscles but how he thinks. Please feel free to curse out loud. Feel free to laugh your lungs dry. Experience has taught me a few things, we all are commodities in this world. There was a time when we men were exempt from this commoditization. When only females were given codes to follow, told how to look beautiful, how to behave womanly. And we, men were free to do whatever we chose. Well, we also had codes, but they were not enforced as strictly as those for women. But man, things have changed. Free markets and gender equality mean that market forces reign and rule all the sexes equally, even when it comes to bodies and behavior.
There is now a code of conduct to follow or else no woman shall regard you as attractive. You know of colognes, don't you? Of manly cars? I am soon going for a voice-upgrade so I get some more bass. The body now has to be in shape, only one shape, the one approved by the market. I have to first peruse the magazines before I shave my beard to check out the appealing styles. I pity those beardless dudes; where shall they get women from? I have also installed an emotional meter on my Facebook profile to ensure that I show only as much emotion as a man is allowed to show.
That life of escapism and denial that you are leading is not worth it anymore, I tell you. The standards of manliness have been set. We are now equal. While you outline the attributes of a woman you want, the hips, the bum, the shape of the boobs, the height, the skin complexion, the length of her hair etc, you are fully aware of a standard you are being measured against.
I see you have stopped laughing. Are you realizing that this is why you are still single and being rejected every time you attempt to take a lady to your dilapidated bedroom? You should come off that high horse I was once on with you – thinking that there is more to being human, to being a person than how you look. Thinking that the essence of who we are is not in how we look, how we behave but in that intrinsic value of humanity. Mate, those noble philosophical ideas do not count, everything is now determined by the market – we are all commodities. If I did not tell you, how you do the sexual intercourse is also now a skill you must possess or your muscles go to waste. It is a new world my dear and the Market is the Boss, everything and everyone else are commodities.
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